Dance research
It is June 2021, I am alone in a rehearsal room for the first time after the pandemic. I brought with me the book “Bailar tango, mecánicas del abrazo” by Andrea Uchitel, some tennis balls, a rubber band, a bottle of water and my towel. I put on the tango “Malena” interpreted by Adriana Varela and lie down on the floor. I dance to the speaker. I grab the bottle and rest it on my cheek, I try to carry it and let it carry me. I also dance with the little balls. I dance with the towel that wraps me. The next day I invite my friend-pianist-colleague Marta to dance with me. We learn the basic tango steps with tutorials, we listen again and again to Goyeneche’s “Balada para un loco” until we learn it by heart. Marta asks me what “piantao”, “linyera”, “atorrante” and where “Callao” and “Arenales” are…
It’s June 2023, I put on my headphones: “if once I could make your skin bristle with cold, burn your mouth and die there afterwards, if I could be your hero, if I could be your God, and save you a thousand times…”. I sit very close to the mirror. I squint at myself. I play at breathing like Enrique. I whisper like him. The whisper tickles my lips. I breathe in the vowels and I hiss. My tongue brushes my teeth and vibrates. I look at my mouth and feel it move. I stand up. I play the tango “Nada” by Julio Sosa. Now I play at being Julio. I project my chin, inflate my chest. Pigeon chest. I look down at the floor with nostalgia. I frown. I emphasize what I say with my hands. I make a fist and bring it to my chest. How would Enrique Iglesias sing “Nada”? I dance the tango, I dance it the way Enrique moves. The tennis balls are my testicles. I move from the vulva, from the clitoris. I tango with my tongue, I tango with my mouth, my lips tango with my tongue and my teeth. I tango to be in my skin, I do Drag to change my skin? I strengthen my muscles. Gaining muscle mass gives me a sense of masculinity. I grab my vulva as if it were a penis. I spit. I slurp my nose. I stick out my tongue. I hide my tits behind a chair, grab them, flatten and spread them apart. I chew gum with my legs open, scratch, pull my underwear up. I drop to the floor, make noise, hit the balls on the floor, scream, whore. I look at myself from every possible angle and where I see myself as a man I stay.
Disforia tango is a dance research that explores and dredges the different forms of closeness, contact and embraces in tango to elaborate questions and practices, to recreate and invent other ways of touching ourselves, of carrying and being carried, of softening ourselves to listen to ourselves, of looking at ourselves, of eroticizing ourselves by attending to the sensations that emerge when dancing while being on the skin, cracking it.
We question the conventions and the apparently immovable rules in tango, the roles assigned by gender, the relationships of importance within the body itself and the dynamics of the dance and the couple in the milonga.
Does one have to be male to dance tango and lead in the couple? Is walking forward masculine and backward feminine? Is twisting only from the chest? Does carrying the weight on the metatarsals bring the hearts closer? Is wringing the hand masculine? Is clutching forbidden gestures? Is clutching disrespectful to gender? Is clutching practicing only one role? Is it possible to practice only one role? Is looking passive and playing active? How does what I see touch me? Which musical instruments activate which muscles? Which words activate which muscles? Why do I feel free when I look different?
Our project dances and draws from the following readings and experiences: “The Queer Art of Failure” by Jack Halberstam, ‘Making worlds with gestures’ by Marie Bardet, ‘Des gestes aux techniques’ by André Haudricourt, the beautiful tango classes by Sara Sánchez Serrano and Yann Perotto at Utopía Espacio (Valencia), the milonga (tango dancing event) at the Malvarrosa beach (Valencia), the physical preparation trainings and tangos in tights at Botànic Espai de Dansa (Valencia), the “Argentine tango” tutorials practiced and laughed at CAMPUS Paulo Cunha e Silva (Porto), varied and pleasant somatic practices, a few pairs of worn out soles and many mornings of mate.
Research: Arantxa Blasco, Doriana Rossi, Malena Albarracín, Noelia Grasso, Noelia Sánchez.
Direction and production: Malena Albarracín.
Tango advisor: Janice Iandritzky and Malena Sessano.
Physical preparation: Camelia Córdoba.
This research is supported by the Comité Escèniques 2023 Research Residencies. Video summary of the Comitè Escèniques Grant: https://youtu.be/uRzZXGaPNkA
